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A New UNOFFICIAL official TOE-ICE Practice Test for Dummies…

March 21, 2011

Directions: For each question in this test you will read four statements about the picture. After you read the statements, you must select the one that best describes what you see in the picture.  Choose your response, and check back later to see if you have chosen the correct answers.

1.

 

(A) The woman is undressing her cooking instructor with her eyes.

(B) The man is adding frogs and snails to bowl of puppy-dog tails.

(C) The portly gentleman’s skirt clashes with his striped blouse.

(D) The students are skeptical about the man’s recipe for cream of sum yung guy soup.

2.

 

(A) Robert Downey Junior had a facelift for the upcoming Iron Man III.

(B) The man should ask his wife, mother, or girlfriend to fulfill this task.

(C) Cargo shorts contain no actual cargo.

(D) The man has discovered lipstick on the collar of his wife’s shirt.

3.

 

(A) A presentation is being given for the Harvard Chicken Coop Owners Association.

(B) The shelves have been filled with publications on the topic of poultry.

(C) A hen is clucking into a microphone.

(D) The speaker is from BARNYARD not HARVARD.

4.

 

(A) There is about to be a disastrous head-on collision.

(B) Don’t worry. There are only lawyers on board the trains.

(C) There is something rather homoerotic about this photograph.

(D) Don’t worry. There are only Canadian hipsters on board the trains.

5.

 

(A) The man never picks up his pets’ excrement.

(B) Fifi thinks Lulu is a real bitch.

(C) The man keeps his daughters on short leashes.

(D) Lulu thinks Fifi ain’t nuthin’ but a hound dog.

6.

 

(A) Dancing with the Stars is such an easy target for mockery.

(B) It is fun to throw rotting produce at street performers.

(C) An angry mob has formed around the dancing mimes.

(D) A large bird’s nest can be seen in the foreground.

7.

 

(A) He is assisting a United Airlines customer whose flight was cancelled.

(B) He is shooting the shit with his home-boy Abdul Abdullah.

(C) He is giving the former first lady of Nigeria his bank account information.

(D) He has been on hold with Yahoo’s complaints department for the past two hours.

8.

 

(A) The doorman is becoming increasingly annoyed with Katy the Copy-Cat.

(B) The young man is startled by his reflection in the door window.

(C) The people are pointing toward the point of no return.

(D) “Go there.” “Go THERE?” “GO THERE.” “Ah. Go THERE!”

9.

 

(A) Crowds of people have line up to purchase tickets for the Susan Boyle world tour.

(B) Terminal 2 at Pyongyang International Airport has recently been opened.

(C) The writer of this test is an ignorant dolt, because the writing is obviously not Korean.

(D) A glowing time portal has opened in the bus station’s floor.

10.

 

(A) The woman has hidden ET’s babies in her basket.

(B) Canadian hipsters are rather annoying.

(C) The cyclists should be shot for not using the bicycle lane.

(D) Members of Meals on Wheels are headed to the annual cannibal convention.

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