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Another TOE-ICE practice test. Aren’t you morons lucky?

March 27, 2011

Directions: For each question in this test you will read four statements about the picture. After you read the statements, you must select the one that best describes what you see in the picture.  Choose your response, and check back later to see if you have chosen the correct answers.

1.

 

(A) The dirty dog is climbing up a ladder.

(B) The man’s jeans are filling up a crack.

(C) There’s a large spot on the wall, and another large Spot on the lawn.

(D) Romeo has discovered that Juliet is no longer interested.

2.

 

(A) Florence Henderson keeps fit by avoiding trans-fats and playing with large balls.

(B) What a bunch of dumbbells.

(C) The people could save a lot of money simply by going for a jog in the park.

(D) Young men have big balls and old men have smaller balls.

3.

 

(A) The writer of this test is far too clever to make a joke about pussies.

(B) Tourists will take pictures of absolutely anything.

(C) The sequel to Catwoman stars an unknown Japanese actress and has a budget of $35.

(D) Two out of five cats are uninterested in cooperating with the paparazzi.

4.

 

(A) It is rather strange that Liam Gallagher cannot afford a mobile phone.

(B) The man’s mother has packed him an apple, a cookie, and a peanut butter and cyanide sandwich.

(C) It’s sad what happens to aging Canadian hipsters.

(D) The paper sack contains both alcoholic beverages and gadgets purchased from a sex shop.

5.

 

(A) The intern mistakenly believes she is sending a man through a Stargate.

(B) The screen shows that the patient has terminal hiccups.

(C) Dr. Meredith Grey is nearly annoying as Ally McBeal.

(D) MRI is an acronym for “em are eye.”

6.

 

(A) It would be inappropriate to mention what the woman plans to do with one of those bananas.

(B) Bananas are a miracle fruit especially for those wearing a monkey suit.

(C) The sex education teacher is purchasing props for her next class.

(D) The woman wishes her boyfriend were so well-endowed.

7.

 

(A) The Smiths are a family of five, which means little Johnny always eats on the floor with the dog.

(B) Karen Carpenter has laid out an enormous Thanksgiving Day feast.

(C) Mrs. Plant is calling for her daughters Fern and Ivy to come for dinner.

(D) Do people STILL not realize that one should never mix redwood and pine?

8.

 

(A) Whores.

(B) Canadian whores.

(C) Canadian hipster whores.

(D) Canadian hipster whores on grass.

 9.

 

(A) One man is demonstrating how to gently cup a man’s scrotum when checking for testicular cancer.

(B) One man is considering stealing the other man’s hair to make an elegant toupee.

(C) Both men lost their legs below the knee in a tragic ballet accident.

(D) Both men have backwashed into the bottle of water.

10.

 

(A) The woman is teaching the firefighters how to shake-a-paw.

(B) Only two of the four men should be allowed to model for the “hot firefighters calendar.”

(C) The woman is congratulating the men for successfully showing her how to slide up and down their poles.

(D) Bill Clinton is up to his old tricks again.

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