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Even though it seems pointless…another practice test for you imbeciles.

April 4, 2011

DIRECTIONS: For each question in this test you will read four statements about the picture. After you read the statements, you must select the one that best describes what you see in the picture. Choose your response, and check back later to see if you have chosen the correct answers. Best of luck…you’ll need it dumbass.

1.

 

(A) The younger man is indeed proof that there IS a lid for every potter.

(B) The older man is imagining that he is Patrick Swayze and the other man is Demi Moore.

(C) The younger man is making the older man a pot to piss in.

(D)  After graduating from Hogwarts, Ron opened a ceramics studio under the pseudonym of “Hairy Potter.”

2.

 

(A) Daylight robbery in Idaho is simply out of control.

(B) Unfortunately for the rednecks, they have not yet heard about the invention of a “wallet.”

(C) Film production on Transformers: Rise of the ATMS is coming along swimmingly.

(D) The men wish they could find a woman that allows them to insert things into her and spits out cash.

 3.

 

(A) The privileged white women are taking advantage of the cheap labour of the lower classes.

(B) One woman takes care of paws while the other one takes care of hooves.

(C) The manicurists are not amused that the customer’s “tip” was for them to “learn to speak better English.”

(D) The women may have disgusting careers, but both their children are attending UCLA.

4.

 

(A) A family from the Ozarks is moving into a brand new lawn.

(B) When life gives you two lawn chairs, a bicycle, and a dog…set up house.

(C) The movers are informing the clients that the van is for rent, but not as a residence.

(D) The woman is scolding her pet for staring at the shirtless hillbilly walking down the road.

5.

 

(A) Talking to oneself is a sure sign of schizophrenia.

(B) If you say the word “apple” whilst holding your tongue with your fingers it sounds like a naughty synonym for “rectum.”

(C) The man’s ID badge, headset, and Mac make him feel important.

(D) A large, black snot-ball is hanging from one of the man’s nostrils.

6.

 

(A) Natives of India still have yet to learn how to properly play baseball.

(B) A cricket is an insect somewhat related to the grasshopper.

(C) Take the words “long bat, balls, tight end, pads, bent over, poles” and make your own damn joke.

(D) By rubbing their legs together, the cricketers emit a high-pitched noise that drives away mates.

7.

 

(A) A TOE-ICE examination is incomplete without a photograph of a bouchedag Canadian hipster.

(B) He is talking to his indie-album promoter about an upcoming gig at the local men’s public restrooms.

(C) “Bouchedag” is not a real word, but it should be.

(D) He is growing out his hair so that he can later use it to make a “whimsicle” macramé hammock.

8.

 

(A) Someone has misspelled “toilet” on one of the signs.

(B) British English is quite simply “jacked up.”

(C) One sign is begging the other sign to let her by.

(D) Honestly, people need to start writing stuff in proper American!

9.

 

(A) He mistakenly thinks his charming smile will get him a peek under the tour guide’s skirts.

(B) He is asking one of the natives if she personally knows Bruce Lee.

(C) He is so overwhelmed by the woman’s natural beauty that he cannot help but touch himself.

(D) He is asking one of the natives if she personally knows Jin and Sun from LOST.

10.

 

(A) Chuck would chuck wood were Chuck a woodchuck.

(B) The man is wanted by New Zealand police for chopping off Holly Hunter’s fingers.

(C) After being kept up late at night by the shrieking tree dryads, the man has taken matters into his own hands.

(D) The man is making kindling for the Bonfire of the Vanities.

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4 Comments leave one →
  1. jetjackson permalink
    April 4, 2011 7:01 am

    You need to use a different format for this where user can vote and then instantly see results – that would make this site more fun, otherwise it’s rather dull…

    Surely there is some code for wordpress that will let you do that.

    • April 4, 2011 7:32 am

      We have been working on that for a while…should soon be up in a trial run. In the meantime…this comment does not answer questions in ANY way, and you also seem a bit cranky and persnickety, so you completely FAIL. Try again next time.

      • jetjackson permalink
        April 8, 2011 5:35 am

        I guess I was in a bad mood. Ah well… when you refer to your readership as ‘imbeciles’, tounge-in-cheek as it may be you can’t get upset if they respond in similar tone, dingbat.

        p.s. like the new format. I got 50%, yay for me.

  2. April 8, 2011 3:12 pm

    Good to hear! I toiled long and hard…because that’s just the type of caring person I am. Enjoy! Dingbat.

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