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An easy one for you half-wits…

April 26, 2011

Both “styles” of the test will be posted from now on…as you folks are such a persnickety bunch…so don’t get your panties in a knot.

Take the test below, or take it by clicking here:http://toeicefordummies.polldaddy.com/s/an-easy-on-for-you-half-wits?iframe=1

DIRECTIONS: For each question in this test you will read four statements about the picture. After you read the statements, you must select the one that best describes what you see in the picture. Choose your response, and check back later to see if you have chosen the correct answers. Best of luck…you’ll need it dumbass.

1.

 

(A) Two of the men moonlight on weekends as feather dusters.

(B) The American tourists think Sleeping Beauty’s castle in Disneyworld is much more impressive.

(C) Two of the men were born with incredibly elongated heads.

(D) Buckingham palace neither bucks, nor was named after cured pork.

 2.

 

(A) It is distasteful to stare at another person’s posterior for more than a few seconds.

(B) The man foolishly bought equipment when his girlfriend told him she was surfing the crimson tide.

(C) The board-member borrowed a board because he’s bored with his own board.

(D) The vehicle isn’t the only thing in the picture that has rear entry.

3.

 

(A) The first meeting for volunteers of Donald Trump’s presidential campaign has officially begun.

(B) Attendance to the non-Asian students association at UCLA was much higher than expected.

(C) The Saudi Arabian chapter of alcoholics anonymous has gotten off to a rocky start.

(D) The customer service department at Yahoo remains empty for a large portion of the year.

4.

 

(A) Just as one should never trust a thin cook, one should never trust a bald barber.

(B) The barber is smiling as he thought the young man said “I’m more of a top than a bottom” rather than “take more off the top than the bottom.”

(C) The young man has turned down the stylist’s advances explaining that he is only gay on Tuesdays.

(D) The hairdresser is amused that the young man’s hairline is receding and that he will soon be as bald as him.

5.

 

(A) One woman is explaining to the other how douching with vinegar will keep her feeling fresh.

(B) Being fat was a sign of health and beauty in ancient times.

(C) The nurses turned black and white in shock when they discovered Dr. Honeycutt’s collection of moonshine.

(D) Contrary to popular belief, nurses’ uniforms in the 1950s were not designed by the KKK.

6.

 

(A) He has discovered where Charlie Brown gets all his Christmas trees.

(B) He is spying on Mr. Moose whose wife suspects him of having an affair with Ms. Elk.

(C) He has cut down all the trees because they impeded his view of the sky.

(D) He is taking photos of the site where he plans to bury his victims.

7.

 

(A) The Wiccans are annoyed when people mistakenly assume they are Canadian hipsters.

(B) Much to the delight of world citizens, the magician club’s next trick will be to make themselves disappear.

(C) Much to the chagrin of the Goths, Liam has chosen to wear an avocado-green shirt.

(D) The Satanists have decided to sacrifice the white person with dreadlocks…and who can blame them?

8.

 

(A) Sister Guenther manages to get around quite well, despite having only one leg.

(B) Sister Klassen thinks Sister Guenther looks like a Jezebel whore without her bonnet on.

(C) Being fat was a sign of health and beauty in ancient times.

(D) Having insulted the Jews so horribly, John Galliano has taken on work as a swimwear designer for the Amish.

 9. 

 

 (A) In an embarrassing twist of events, the bridesmaid just realised she has forgotten to iron her gown.

(B) When asked why she wasn’t wearing white to the wedding, the bride giggled nervously.

(C) The woman’s gown can also be used as a handy tent during camping excursions.

(D) The only way the bride could convince the maid of honour to wear the hideous dress, was to get her incredibly drunk.

  10.

 

(A) The man is demanding a refund for Lindsey Lohan’s latest romantic comedy.

(B) The porn theatre still has a few customers, as senior citizens are incapable of using the Internet.

(C) The man has asked for tickets to the latest “Heddy Lamarr picture show.”

(D) The old couple cannot remember if they remember having seen the film “Remembrance.”

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